Lemony Life, now + 1

I'd say things aren't so lemony anymore now that I have a 3 month old to hang out with. Actually he is my life. I never imagined how motherhood could feel this amazing. One little human changed everything for me & my husband. My connection to Cohen is stronger than steel, especially after last summer..

It's never easy to talk about loss, even after 15 months & a beautiful baby boy. After my husband & I lost our 1st pregnancy, I never thought we'd be here. You go through a faze where you think you aren't meant to have children. Each month goes by without that 2nd positive pregnancy test & you drive yourself crazy.. until finally..... 
No one wants to reflect on the negative, but that negative gave me Cohen. It is a bit easy to think & say now. I wouldn't have my son if it wasn't for that loss. I still have days where it hurts knowing something went wrong that I'll never know. But it's an indescribable feeling when I find my mind wandering because like I said, I wouldn't have my son. I can't imagine a life without him. I can say baby#1 was not meant for us to hold & watch grow. Maybe Cohen's big brother or sister knew all along that they were sent to make mommy & daddy stronger as one soul instead of two individuals so we can treasure Cohen even more. I like to think that. 
I don't know if I will ever tell Cohen about his angel sibling. I cry every time I come across a story about another mother & father who have lost. It's a very touchy subject when it comes to miscarriage or losing a child after/during birth. I don't know how I feel about telling Cohen because I'm not sure I want to introduce that kind of sadness. Why potentially make his mind wander about a sibling he will never know? I don't want my son to see me cry & not understand why. 
Cohen is my rainbow baby. Not everyone understands that term (I found out the hard way). Look it up.


One more thing: Everything is meant to be, at least I think so. What once was the worst month, turned into the greatest. I truly feel Cohen was meant to be born in June. He & baby#1 will always share it. Sure, I'll be sad every time 6/21(13) comes around, but 6/3(14) will forever be the greatest day of my life. June is quite a special month in my little family :)